Stopping the Stigma

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Sandy, 29

Years Battling: 17

Posted October 20, 2018

"At the age of 12 I was sexually abused by a family friend and it went on for years. This threw me into a spiral of self doubt and dark thoughts. I felt as though I was the only person in the world going through it. Coming from a family that demanded perfection, it was so hard to be open about anything less. I knew something was wrong. At face value, I was the happiest girl you’ll meet, always trying her best to make others just as “happy.” But behind close doors I was dying. I started to hurt myself in little ways, like snapping rubber bands on my wrist to digging my nails into my skin until it bled. It was a way to feel. I needed to feel. Growing older I figured out I wasn’t straight. That added to my feeling of not being good enough. Failure was my biggest fear. I hated myself for a very long time because I felt as if I was just wrong. Wrong as a human being. Then one day 5 years ago I decided that I didn’t want to hurt anymore. I tried to kill myself. I popped pills until I couldn’t any longer. I was ready to leave it all behind. But I really wasn’t. I was saved by a dear friend who was a nurse. She saved my life physically but also spiritually. She told me that I’m not alone and showed me that I’m amazing just the way I am. I’m starting to believe it. Today, I still struggle with bad memories on some days but it also serve as a reminder that I’m a survivor. I’m here to fight and help others like me. Today I live because I know how it is to die and I’m not alone."